Make a way outta no way

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I’m usually the one to jump onto the internet to just research questions that pop up in my head and possibly into other browsers heads as well. I loved this especially when I was simply looking up the different ways to say ‘really’ in Korean because I’m so in love with the sound of  ‘chincha’ xD.

Here we go…

is he serious? I need advice from
Poster: beckyb Date: 7-Dec-2005
Hi, I’m an Aussie girl living in Sydney, and I’ve been together with my Korean boyfriend for 4 months. Everything seems to be going ok – he proudly introduces me to all of his friends and has sent my photo to his sister in Korea. He treats me with a great amount of respect and consideration, is very generous and in turn is grateful for all the small things I do for him (preparing him dinner occaisonally etc). Surprisingly enough, we’re actually moving in together in a month’s time.
HOWEVER, I often feel uncomfortable by the way his male friends talk about me in my presence – they constantly tell me I’m “cute”, “pretty”, that they’ve never seen a western woman who is so petite (admittedly I am very small and slim). My problem is that, at least in Western culture, it is bad form and often signals a lack of respect on the part of men who comment on the physical appearance of another friend’s girlfriend or significant other. However, Jun (my bf) seems to be happier every time one of his friends makes similiar comment.
I would like to know whether this behaviour signifies that I’m some sort of trophy western girlfriend – what are the general attitudes of Korean men toward Western girlfriends? I’d appreciate advice from anyone, although particularly from Korean men/women!
dtcb (7-Dec-2005)- beckyb
Hi beckyb,
I’ve been in Korea a bit and speak the language. But, am not Korean. (so up to you and my daggy advice)
I’m not there with you to hear the comments and get a guage of your bf’s buddies but, from an assumptive (nice, nice) position I’d say: 1. they are saying it in English (again assumed); which means (if they are all Korean) they are trying to complement and include you in the conversation. 2. in Asia in general, physical commentary is very, very common. “Hi Mr. So-and-So; ohh you looking fat. You eat well!” (yes, I’ve heard this….a million times……because my weight fluctuates like DeNiro in “Raging Bull”) It may not be personal, (in parts of Asia fat=prosperous). I’ve been to a lot of Asia Countries and took physical comments, good or bad, as conversation pieces; not personal attacks. Rest assured however, no one has every said: “what an ugly baby!” 99% of the comments tend to be flattering (even the ‘fat’ ones). And if I hear another Korean woman or man say “Moshisoooo!” or “ChinCha Yeapuda!” I’ll curdle. It is very, very common in Korean culture to compliment (each other, clothing, spouses, children) even when not required. It’s giving face (and good karma)
I am a devout pessimist but, without being there; I would give him the benefit of the doubt. You may actually be a bit disarming because you are not 6’2″ and they feel comfortable with you (therefore complementing as they would in their own culture).
but, then again……uh ooohh, pessimist side…….breaking through….skin going green……pessimism rising…..aaarrrggghhhhh!!!!
The pessemist side of me would monitor them to see how often their conversation switches to Korean (if applicable) and do they glance your way when talking……..
Like all men……men are scum.
I should know…..I’m scum…..and a man. Some just are better at holding the scum side from coming out…….like the Pope.
And I’m not the Pope so I’ve had at least 1 trophy date at one time (elementery school teacher, taken to my senior highschool prom….she was cooler than me (and raced motorcycles)). It happens, on both sides of the fence. My Korean friend here (girl) is dating a man 10 years younger than her……and not for his personality.
If you have decent ‘scum’ radar (some people do, some definitely have no clue) be wary. But, “cute” and “pretty” can be the sissy version of “damn you are hot!” or “Oooh, Shablam!!! (pumping motion add here)” Are they nerdy? This would be a good thing. Nerds attracted to you will can be sneaky shits but, more often than not will very much respect your (and your bf’s) relationship……to a point.
It might be fine to just ask him. “Hey, Do your friends see me as some sort of trophy western girlfriend?” Is it potentially insulting; yes. Would it help get it out of the way; yes. If he really cares, will he tell you the truth: possibly. Not,enough information. But, at least it gets the subject on the table for discussion (which time wasting dorks like us are probably not helpful at resolving anyway).

Ahh good stuff I’d like to marry this guy <3

EDIT: Wait no my heart belongs to my John Mayer D:



Written by Br1dgeoverwater

July 25, 2009 at 12:06 am

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