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Archive for December 2010

Finals Papers and Exams

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Stating the obvious here but the end of the semester is Friday. Yes, my final class for the Fall 2010 semester is this Friday. I am so stressed. I’m experiencing huge bouts of fatigue and depression. I have two papers to do in practically one day. Thursday. The worst part is that I haven’t even started either of  these papers. I’d rather be online blogging, which I’ve hardly had time to do, then start two very important papers. It’s ridiculous how askew my priorities are. One of these papers, mind you, is the final project for a class important to my major, Animal Embryology! At this moment I am sitting in the lab with my partners attempting to finish our experiment so that we can get some results on the table. We are the only team not complete at this point which is extremely distressing.

I don’t know what I am expecting myself to accomplish with how tired I’ve been. If I wanted to finish then I would need to work nonstop on those papers starting….well now. And I can’t with my embryology paper because we haven’t even finished our experiment. This week has been so frustrating for me, and although I don’t show it much in appearance I am super stressed at the moment. That is exactly what I do with everything. I act like I don’t give a shit the entire time but inside there is a mad rush in my head trying to work out a plan. With my level of procrastination I’d say that I probably don’t give a shit deep down. I just rush into a panic out of fear of failing.

Do I want to become an obstetrician and have a brilliant and bright future? Yes. Do I want to be a successful person in life? Yes. Do I want to be successful in college? I’m not sure. I am literally not giving it my all and I don’t even know how to begin to give my school work that much attention. I never studied in high school. Ever. I either knew it or I didn’t and even with that I still did pretty well with mostly A’s. College is totally different though. The professors expect me to not only study but also study at least 5 hours a week, per class! This is not crazy to some people because they’ve already been in the studying regime since high school. I, however, have been in my own little laid back bubble, naïve of what was to come to me once I stepped onto the Richmond campus. And I wanted to go to NYU! Psh. They would have slaughtered me after a few weeks. I can hardly believe I made it through this semester.

As I’m writing this I’m also admitting a lot of insecurities that I wasn’t even aware that I possessed. It’s like things are spilling through my fingers straight from the back of my head or something and I’m just realizing how scared I am about failing. I don’t want to coast through college. I want to be fantastic. And that means getting my ass off of WordPress right this minute and looking for sources for my FYS paper. I’ll be back once the semester is over.


Written by 松本 ダニエール

December 1, 2010 at 8:22 pm

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